Is it possible to be free from anger in the material world? Not quite. Then, is it possible to be angry but not ruin your peace of mind? A big YES. To quote Om Swami, the realized Himalayan Monk and my Spiritual Master, “Anger remains the greatest test of one’s spiritual evolution, patience and wisdom.” How true is that! But having said that it is also true that anger is one of the strongest tendencies of the mind. Even the beings with years and years of penance and meditation find it hard to stay free from anger. Such is the hold of this tendency on the mind. However, it is a tendency meaning an inclination towards a particular characteristic or type of behaviour. The mind can be trained to look at this tendency in depth and then choose the appropriate response. Anger is always an action. Actions can be chosen mindfully. In professional and personal life it becomes imperative at times to express one’s displeasure over certain things. But how is one doing that is totally in one’s hands. Is one snapping right away with hurtful words the moment something unpleasant happens or is one taking a breather and then choosing to express anger with carefully selected words from the dictionary of the mind? This is all that makes the difference.
It is very important to understand your anger before you get on to deal with it. If you look at it you will find anger has a great deal to do with expectations. Expectations from those working under you, expectations from your child, from your partner, from your parents, expectations even from your domestic help. We are always living in a web of expectations. We feel we have a right towards such and such kind of outcome from all those around us. When they fail to give us such and such outcome anger streams. We have all justifications to anger in our quiver ready to be hurled at whoever asks us the reason for our anger. When we face the anger streaming from someone else’s expectation we suddenly become the victim. In that case too we have a separate set of justifications ready with us. As long as there are expectations it will be difficult, if not impossible, to stay free from anger. Does it mean one should not expect? Well, let us not go into what one should or should not but choosing one’s response mindfully whenever one is having temper tantrums is always something that will not cost one’s peace of mind. Respond, not react. That is the key.
Let us have a look at some classic quotes on anger to comprehend it better
1. “Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”
-Aristotle
2. “Anger is a valid emotion. It’s only bad when it takes control and makes you do things you don’t want to do.”
-Ellen Hopkins
3. “Anger expressed in a healthy and positive way means that we channel emotional anger towards resolution not attack.”
-Byron R. Pulsifer
4. “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
-Mark Twain
5. “You shouldn’t give circumstances the power to rouse anger, for they don’t care at all.”
-Marcus Aurelius
6. “Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others.”
-Socrates
7. “Responding to a trying situation with patience and tolerance rather than reacting with anger and hatred involves active restraint, which arises from a strong, self-disciplined mind.”
-Dalai Lama
8. “The best fighter is never angry.”
-Lao Tzu
9. “A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough.”
Bruce Lee
10. “See, the question of being angry with somebody does not arise. You are not angry with anybody, you are just angry. Your anger has nothing to do with somebody else. It’s about you. Whether you are angry at a rock, God, your Guru, or whatever – anger is simply anger. It has got nothing to do with anybody or anything.”
-Sadhguru
Here is an enthralling article by Om Swami that talks about the eight stages or layers of anger and compares anger with an onion. Read on to see how the layers can be removed. Have a look and know your anger better.